The Loss of Innocence
by Quill plus Parchment
Summary: Ever wondered why Wyatt went within seconds from praising Bass Reeves to asking Rufus to help him safe his wife?


_So, I was rewatching Timeless to get into writing mood for my story _The Times They Are A-Changin', _and it actually worked, lol, just not in the way I intended it to. _

_If there even is an episode of season 1 that I like least, I'd probably say it is _The Murder of Jesse James_, and therefore I never ever thought that inspiration would hit me to write for this particular episode, but to my surprise precisely this happened today._

_I was always a little confused how Wyatt was one moment talking how good Bass Reeves was and then suddenly would ask Rufus to help him safe his wife. So here is my version how this unexpected transition came to pass. I hope you like it!_

* * *

The Loss of Innocence 

Lucy!

Wyatt was shocked to see her standing there, the gun still raised in front of her, with a fine wisp of smoke curling up from it.

When the shot rang through the woods and his intended target dropped dead in front of him, Wyatt had thought for an astounded moment that he involuntarily had pulled the trigger of his gun. And now he wished he actually would have done it.

It was his fault, he realised disillusioned. She had done it, because someone had to do it, and he hadn't been ruthless enough to break his promise and do what was necessary.

Why the hell didn't he just shoot the guy when he had the chance? Jesse James was a murderer, the lowest of the lowest, and should have been dead by now anyway. So why had he felt the need to keep his word to Bass in this crucial moment, when he hadn't felt obligated at all by the time he gave said promise? Why had he let him into his head, appealing to his conscience, even though his conscience also told him that Jesse James had to die? Why did he care so much what Bass thought of him? In his time, the guy was long dead, so what did it matter if he earned his approval in the here and now?

Once more he had failed his team, or more importantly, he had failed Lucy, because he was overthinking a situation, and now she was the one who had to pay the price for it.

x

She hadn't said more than a handful words on their ride back into town, and she didn't need to, her stony expression said it all. He knew, because he had been there himself about a lifetime ago.

He could still remember the horror he once had felt that he was even capable of doing something like this, and the astonishment how quickly one could end another person's life. The only hard part was to get over the hurdle to actually pull the trigger, but the act itself was easy. Maybe too easy, he contemplated for the first time in a very long while.

Rufus had tried to talk to him about this, almost like a warning, but of course Wyatt wouldn't listen. Unfortunately, killing people was part of the job and he had long come to terms with that. As a soldier that is what you have to do, eliminate the enemy when called upon. And when the enemy was already supposed to be dead anyway, it only made the job so much easier that Rufus questioning it had seemed rather pointless to him.

Problem was, _he_ didn't do his job, and now Lucy not only had to come to terms with her own conflicting conscience, but also had to deal with an angry Bass Reeves on top of it.

He wanted to punch that self-righteous bastard in the face. How dared he talk to her like that? She didn't need his condemnation to make her feel even worse about herself and what she had done. He knew she was already saying all those things and probably even worse to herself. Doubting her actions and wishing she could undo them. And there was nothing he could do to help her right now except maybe talk.

But Lucy didn't make the impression that she wanted to talk. She looked like a shadow of herself, walking numbly through the town, letting them to take photos of her with the corpse of Jesse James, and hardly reacted when people tried to congratulate her. Almost like she wasn't truly present any longer, or as if someone else had taken over.

Wyatt suspected that was part of her coping mechanism, and he hated seeing her like that. As soon as they were back in their own time, he would force her talk about it. And if not to him, then at least to someone else, maybe even a psychologist if Agent Christopher was going to give her consent.

xxx

Back in their present, Lucy fled the scene almost immediately after the lifeboat had come to a stop, leaving him and Rufus alone to give a full account of the mission.

Wyatt watched her go with a heavy heart, knowing that he really should go after her. Taking someone's life for the first time was a severe issue. He had seen many soldiers falling apart afterwards, unable to cope with what they had done. It never was easy, but they were at least trained for this, but Lucy wasn't.

He exchanged a desperate look with Rufus, silently asking for his permission to follow Lucy.

"Go!" Rufus said, nodding in the direction she had disappeared to. "I'll handle Christopher."

"Thanks man," Wyatt groaned grateful, clapping him comradely on the shoulder before he hurried after her.

x

He found her in the wardrobe compartment in front of their lockers. She was sitting on one of the benches, still wearing her costume, staring off into space. Somehow she looked even more lost and forlorn then back in that godforsaken town. His heart clenched painfully together at the sight of her.

"Lucy? Can we talk?" he approached her tentatively.

She looked up at him, but Wyatt had the impression that she wasn't even seeing him. Not truly anyway.

"Sure," she said toneless, but surprisingly steady. "What do you want to talk about?"

"Are you okay?" Wyatt asked, knowing perfectly well that she wasn't.

"I'm fine," was the prompt answer, and Wyatt hadn't really expected anything else. He knew of course that she was just putting up a front for him, but he couldn't help being proud of her for trying. She was probably the bravest person, he had ever met, well, apart from Rufus perhaps, and was immensely honored to have her on his team.

"You don't have to pretend with me, Lucy, I know that you are not okay, you simply can't be!" he insisted in what he hoped was an empathetic way. But apparently it wasn't.

"Why not?" Lucy flared up. "Because I am a woman? Or a civilian? Is that why you think that I can't handle it? It was the right thing to do, not only to preserve history, but also because he was a ruthless murderer. _Someone_ had to do s_omething_!"

If Wyatt had felt guilty before, then he was absolutely gutted now. So she was blaming him. "Lucy, I …"

"Do you have any idea how primitive the prisons were back then?" she continued heatedly. "Taking him in to get him convicted, wouldn't have been enough. He most likely would have broken out again. I'm sure of that, maybe even within a couple of days, and he would have continued to murder innocent people. I saved them! It was a good thing I did!"

Wyatt swallowed hard. Those had been his exact thoughts when he had had Jesse James at gunpoint, but nevertheless, his promise to Bass, or his conscious, or whatever, held him back, forcing Lucy to do what he couldn't do in that moment.

"Damn it, Lucy, I'm so sorry you had to do this," he whispered totally distraught after her outburst. "You never should have been in this position. It was my job to take care of him and I failed. I'm so, so sorry for that."

She was still babbling on, something about having to keep a promise, but Wyatt wasn't listening anymore, he suddenly had this unquenchable need to take her in his arms, making it clear to her that she wasn't alone in this. That he was there for her, no matter what. And so, without further ado, he pulled her in a tight embrace, effectively shutting her up in the process.

It felt good, holding her like that, especially when she finally let go and started to sob heartbreakingly into his shirt. In fact, it felt much better than it should have. And it wasn't the first time that he had felt like that either. Holding her in his arms when she freed him and Rufus from the cellar of the World's Fair Hotel had felt this good as well. And even before that, when he had to kiss her to deceive Clyde Barrow. _That_ had been pretty amazing too, and just as unexpected. So great in fact that he had trouble ending it.

Wyatt gasped in shock when he realised out of the blue what was happening to him. It couldn't be, not now! Not when he finally knew who Jess' killer was. When he finally had a real shot at getting his wife back.

Feeling uncomfortably awkward all of a sudden, Wyatt abruptly pulled back from the still sobbing Lucy, bringing a little distance between her and his wildly beating heart and his churned up composure.

He wasn't such a dick though that he would abandon her now that she had opened up to him, so he continued to stroke her back in a soothing manner and mumbled words of comfort, while he tried to overcome his desire to hold her tight again.

Eventually, after what seemed like hours, Lucy stopped crying and bashfully withdrew from him. Wyatt sighed relieved, but at the same time felt like an ass for doing so.

"Better?" he asked hoarsely, his voice a little raspy with emotions.

"Yes, thank you!" Lucy gave him a small smile before she averted her gaze from him.

"No, thank you!" Wyatt said bitter, ashamed of himself. "For doing what I couldn't do, because of a stupid promise."

"It wasn't stupid," Lucy said, looking him firmly into the eyes. "It was honorable. And for what it's worth, I knew the moment you gave the promise that you wouldn't be able to break it. I just hadn't factored in that I would have to do it instead," she shrugged helpless.

Wyatt gaped at her in astonishment. Would she ever stop amazing him, he wondered speechless. Somehow Lucy had turned the tables and was now trying to comfort him.

"I did the right thing, didn't I?" Lucy asked then apprehensive, looking at him with big fearful eyes. "Killing him was the only reasonably choice, wasn't it?"

Overwhelmed by her timid request for assurance, Wyatt simply had to hug her against his chest again. "You did good, Lucy," he whispered into her hair, closing his eyes and breathing in her unique scent. "I'm so proud of you!"

They stayed like that a little while longer, just holding on to each other and taking comfort in their closeness. Then, when they reluctantly detached again, there was a moment of awkwardness in which they both didn't know how to act around one another, until Lucy gave him a sheepish smile and excused herself to finally get out of her dirty clothes.

Bemused, Wyatt watched her go with a small smile on his lips. Then he suddenly came back to his senses. This was so wrong. He shouldn't feel like this when he thought about Lucy. He was in love with his wife, and he had to focus on getting her back, and not wasting his time mooning over Lucy.

Suddenly determined to put a stop to this budding nonsense once and for all, he came up with a reckless plan to change the history that led to his wife's murder. It was anything but perfect, and he would need Rufus' help to go through with it, but he would never forgive himself if he didn't at least try…


End file.
